Stupid Ta-Ta's

I keep poking at my BB's to see if they are sore yet, and of course, they feel just fine. Look completely normal, small as usual. I just wish I would hurry up and get some symptoms b/c feeling normal is just freaking me out. I hope Wednesday gets here soon so I can get my 2nd beta's done, hopefully that will give me a little comfort.

Hmmmmm......

I can't believe it, I took a home pregnancy test Tuesday night and it came up positive. Being the neurotic that I am, I took another Wednesday just to double check and it came up a little lighter than the day before, nothing obviously different but enough that I noticed. Anyway, this caused the first round of panic and I called my RE to get beta's done. Yep, the same thing I swore up and down a couple of posts ago that I wouldn't do. Oh well. Anyway, the first beta was HCG - 71, progesterone 39. The nurse swore up and down that the HCG number was fine. I have to go back next Wednesday for another beta. She also said I needed to starting taking progesterone supplements 3x a day (eww, gross!!!) and a baby aspirin, in addition to the PNV's and extra folic acid. There went my hopes of pretending this was a "normal" pregnancy. Still completely shocked at the news and am dying for next Wednesday to get here so I can get my bloodwork redone. She offered to let me come in earlier but I said Wednesday was fine, they wanted to see what happened over a week since they are upping my progesterone. Arggh almost a whole week but I realize all the blood tests really don't matter because they won't change the final outcome, whatever it will be. I've got to learn to be patient and to be thankful for each day I am pregnant, since I know firsthand how fast things can change.

Side Effects vs. Symptoms

I'm feeling oddly optimistic this cycle. I decided to quit charting and using OPK's because it was seriously stressing me out. I decided that I wasn't going to force myself to attempt to get pregnant this cycle b/c it has been so hard these past few months not getting pregnant and I think it was causing me to dwell on the miscarriages too much. I'm now seriously wondering if I am pregnant this time, I have no idea when exactly I ovulated since I'm not tracking but AF is due tomorrow if this cycle is consistent with the past few cycles. I had some spotting starting on Thursday so I immediately assumed the worst based on past cycles, I assumed this was yet another cycle where my hormones plummeted. I started the progesterone that night and the spotting has now stopped. Dare I hope the spotting on Thursday was implantation? The rational part of me says, no you idiot, it's because your hormones crashed again. The hopeful part says, yes, it was due to implantation. Since Thursday, I've been exhausted and slightly nauseous feeling. Once again, the rational side says all side effects of progesterone supplements, the hopeful side says symptoms. Either way, I'm reading way too much into things and I fear I'm setting myself up for a huge disappointment. Oh welll, the benefit of short cycles means that the hope doesn't stay terribly long, I should know for sure in a few days. Too bad I'm too chicken to take a test, I think it would just suck too much to see a negative today, I'm feeling good and don't want the disappointment to ruin my day, so no testing until I feel ready.