After the 2nd m/c I decided that life as a redhead was sucking big time so I decided to dye my hair back to its natural brown color, which I hadn't seen since I was 15 years old. I have pale skin with freckles, so the red looks totally natural on me, it is very hard to convince people that brunette is my actual hair color. So while dying my hair back to brown, I had a boo-boo, I missed my natural hair color and it went to dark, dark brown, um, actually black. Whoops!!! I looked like Goth girl for about a month when my hair dresser begged me to change it. So I then spend 4 hours at the salon attempting to remove the black from my hair and the goal is to change it back to a shade of red. Hmmmmm, apparently my hair was really pissed at me and it just went to a lighter shade of brown, but at least it was no longer black. Pale skin and freckles do not look good with black hair. I kept thinking I would come out with a gorgoeous shade of chestnut brown hair, silky and shiny just like in the Nice N Easy Commercials. What was I thinking, this is me, we're talking about. It turns to a lovely shade of doo-doo brown instead. So after lengthy discussion with hairdresser we decide my hair is super damaged and needs a break. I've finally decided to change it back, I think most of the damage is reversed and I am ready to reclaim my old self. I think I was more fun as a red head. I hate the dark haired girl who has gained too much weight and is mad at the world, it's time to bring back the red and reclaim my old self. I cannot wait. I miss my red hair so bad. Plus we are going on cruise on Saturday so I definitely want the red back!! Cannot wait until Tuesday, such a big day!
On another note, i tried on the formal dresses I wore on last years cruise thinking I would just wear those again. Tried on the 1st one, still fit. Tried on the 2nd, it technically fits, however, it is a knit jersey material and it clings to the recently expanded saddlebags. Gross. I cannot bring myself to wear the dress that highlights the saddlebags as well as the new curve to the belly. I am beyond frustrated. I can wear one of the dresses twice, it shouldn't be any big deal but it caused a mild meltdown this afternoon when it truly hit me how much weight I have gained since the 2nd m/c. it is an awful feeling. I swear my eating habits and exercise habits have not changed, yet I am still gaining weight. I'm only 5 foot 3, I can't afford to gain anymore. 15lbs in one year is awful and I am starting to dread the the cruise. Why couldn't we have gone somewhere that required heavy, winter clothes??? I will have to put on a swimsuit at some point, waah. We're going with our best friends from college and the wife is super tiny and cute, I will look like a beached whale next to her. Aaacck, my body after multiple m/c sucks. Cellulite city and its all my fault. Blech.... When the dark hair goes on Tuesday, it better take some of the excess weight with it.
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Hi Jennifer, I recently discovered your blog after searching online for someone who I could relate to- some sort of support group or something. I suffered my third pregnancy loss a few weeks ago, and this third time is so much more difficult than 1 and 2. I am also 30 and, like you, many of my close friends are pregnant or have young children, and i don't know anyone else who has experienced even 1 mc, so I have felt very alone in this journey. I want you to know that reading your blog has been really helpful to me during this very difficult time, and I want to thank you for being brave enough to write about your experiences and emotions. As I read through your posts I can totally relate to so many of the things you say, and that is really comforting to me. I am not alone on this TTC then TTK path. So thank you... alot
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