Day 38

38 days since my D&C and where in the hell is my period?? No signs to indicate it will be anytime soon. I took my temp this morning and it was low, much lower than my post ovulation temps so I am assuming that I haven't even ovulated yet. I'll check it again tomorrow for confirmation but this is so frustrating. I know 38 days is not that long, but last time my period came back 32 days after the D&C and the time before that it was a similar amount of time. My regular cycle is 26 days. Argh, I think my body is really f'd up after this past miscarriage and I completely understand why. It's been a very traumatic 7 months, not sure how much more my body can take.

I have to go see my SIL's new baby tomorrow, I use the term SIL for lack of a better term. She is T's step brother's wife, not really an in law but not sure what to call her. Anyway, her daughter will only be 6 days old tomorrow and I am dreading it. I should have a 3 week old to be showing off. I don't want to go tomorrow but I know if I don't, T's family will talk so I'm going. T doesn't want me to for fear seeing the baby will set me back emotionally but I feel the need to get it over with. This baby will be in our family forever now, I can't keep avoiding her. T's step mother has already told another family member that I am "jaded" so I feel the need to show my face to show that I am surviving. His step mom, means well, really she does but she keeps sending me e-mails saying we can always try again. I realize we can try again but after 3 losses, that is easier said than done. PLus, I still miss the babies we should have had, trying again won't take that pain away. The pain will always be there in one form or another, right now the pain is still extremely raw.