Today is my EDD from the 2nd m/c. The day I have been dreading is finally here. I now no longer have a continuous countdown of where I should have been with this pregnancy. It's a relief. One of best friends was due next week, her little boy was born last week. It hurts to see those pics and I know that for the rest of my life her little boy will forever remind me of what I lost. I desperately wish I was holding my own little baby and that our children would grow up to be friends but that is not my reality.
I'm working on dealing with my reality that having babies will not be easy for us. I will never have a stress free pregnancy due to the 3 m/c's and that I will probably need medical help to achieve the 4th. For some reason, that has been a very hard thing to admit. The RE offered me fertility drugs when I was attempting the 3rd pregnancy but I said no, I never dreamed a 3rd m/c would happen. I think I'm going to take any assistance that is offered this time, I don't know if I can handle a 4th.
Oh the irony, my post D&C check up is tomorrow from the 3rd m/c. Yup, instead of holding my baby and worrying about if I will ever get to sleep again, i get to go discuss the 3rd m/c and the future game plan. I can only hope a dildo cam ultrasound will be included tomorrow to top the day off. Real funny joke the universe is playing on me at the moment.
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Life after struggling with multiple miscarriages, the hopes and fears while trying to get pregnant again and any other random thoughts that come to mind.
Blog Archive
About Me
- Jennifer
- An almost-30 year old struggling with 2 miscarriages oops make that 3. With the exception of issues related to pregnancy, I realize I am extremely lucky and thankful that I lead a very good life.
Blogs from other people who understand
- 2 Happy Hours...Hopefully We Get To Be 3 Happy Hours Soon
- Adventures of the Jackson 5
- Dream you're mine
- Fertile Hope
- Fertility Bound?
- God Won't Make A Mountain I Can't Climb
- It's.Just.Me
- K-Tell
- Katie's Stories
- Love, Pain & The Whole Crazy Thing
- New Year, New Beginnings
- RPL: The Long and Winding Road
- Sometimes I feel lucky....
- Team Killion
- The Next Nine Months
- Todd & Kristin
- Vivian's World
2 comments:
Hi Jennifer, I can completely relate to what you're going through. It's so hard to accept that this is the hand we've been dealt in life, and that what is so easy for most people is not easy for us at all. I also had several friends that my baby(ies) would have grown up with. Now it looks like I'll be lucky to have my first by the time they've had their second. And they will probably beat us to the seconds as well. :(
I hope you get a good plan for your next PG. And most importantly, I just wanted to write so that you know you're not alone.
I am so, so sorry for all of your losses. I've only had one loss and cannot imagine what it feels like to be in your place, I fully admire your strength to continue and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Big big hug.
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