I went to my first baby shower yesterday since the 2nd miscarriage. It was hard, but at the same time it made me realize I was starting to heal. I got a little sad seeing her open her gifts, knowing that my own baby shower would have been being planned right now and probably coming up in the next month or two. But at the same time, the friend who was having the shower has been a HUGE support to me during the m/c, probably more than she ever realized. I am happy for her and my happiness for her far outweighed my own sadness yesterday so I am hoping this means I am starting to get over the horribly selfish phase I have been in lately regarding the m/c. I'm sure the selfish phase will rear it's ugly head again soon but I am glad it wasn't around yesterday, nice to know it is not a permanent condition.
I've seen the following poem posted many times in regards to miscarraige and it really sums up how I've been feeling lately. Now, anyone who knows me, knows I am not a poetry kind of gal, but when I read this one, it just clicked with me. It sums up my life perfectly and what life has taught me. Yes, my situation sucks and it's been hard to deal with, but on the other hand, it has shown me that I am not a weak person. After going through 2 m/c's, I know I am a stronger and maybe even a better person because of them.
My Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
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