D&C is over, just waiting on the real fun to begin. Since I have been through this before, I know the worst is yet to come, the dreaded hormone crash. I'm pretty sure the crash has already started b/c I feel like an absolute nut case. I'm fine one minute, crying for the next 5 minutes, angry at the world for another 10 minutes and then go back to fine. It sucks. I HATE this phase. I took me months to get through this phase last time and I am not looking forward to repeating it so soon. Just another gripe to add to the list of things that suck about miscarriage. Speaking of which, I think I will start the list now:
1. Losing the baby - self explanatory and it sucks the big one.
2. Loss of innocence regarding pregnancy - I now have no innocence, I know bad things happen and pregnancy does not equal baby. I'm totally jaded.
3. Trying to act normal afterwards - miscarriage changes you, yet people expect you to act like everything is normal and get on with your life.
4. The Deafening Silence - there are always some people that you are astounded by how they react which is they say nothing and don't acknowledge your loss. Silence is loud, very loud.
5. Pads - after a D&C you can't wear tampons, so you have to wear a pad, I feel like I'm in middle school all over again.
6. No sex - self explanatory. Just when I feel totally alone and really need intimacy, put on the injured reserve list for 2 weeks.
Sidenote: Afer a D&C, they always go over a list of things that you cannot put in your hoo-haa for at least 2 weeks due to risk of infection. It always makes me wonder that after the 2 weeks can I put just any old thing up there???? Always wondered what else the doctor's are referring to....
7. Changes - your body freaks out and suddenly decides it hates you. Acne, weight gain, hair loss, etc, etc.
8. Wacky cycles - further proof your body hates you, you have no idea when your cycle will return, and once it does, there is no guarantee it will be normal for months.
9. Doctor's visits - I now have no modesty regarding my girlie parts. I think everyone in town has seen them at this point I've had so many vag ultrasounds and pelvic exams, I don't know why I bother to wear to pants now.
10. Paranoia that pregnant people stalk you - after a loss, pregnant people come out of everywhere in an attempt to torture you. It's not fair, it's really not.
11. Pitying looks - when you tell people what has happened, you get the look of pity. That awful look that makes you want to crawl into a hole and die. It's awful, I hate the pity look. Sometimes I'd rather hear a dumb ass comment than receive the "look of pity".
12. "Helpful" suggestions - I use the word "helpful" loosely. People that have every intention of being helpful will offer up helpful suggestions of what to try next time or why you miscarried. If the suggestion is really dumb, I think it should be legal to bite the person.
That's all I have at the moment, if anyone knows of any other sucky things regarding miscarriage that I have forgotten, please let me know and I will be glad to update the list. Right now my mind has gone blank.
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1 comment:
You're exactly right - m/c sucks. There's really no other way to explain it. I think your list is pretty comprehensive & covers everything I can think of for now. Hope you're feeling okay after the D&C. Be patient with yourself and have all of those crazy emotions. That will help you heal - in time. Hugs to you.
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